Emotional Triggers
Unmet emotional needs do not go away, they are stored in our subconscious mind and show up when a situation triggers us.
When we feel the trigger our brain brings up the established pattern for addressing that emotion and we feel stuck and frustrated. This is most likely a pattern we created subconsciously from a past experience where we felt threatened or uncomfortable - commonly from a childhood experience. Our brain likes to repeat these responses because it is very efficient and uses less energy. It is as if the brain thinks this certain response or pattern has solved the uncomfortable emotion and there is no need to look further. The problem is, most of these patterns were developed in our childhood brain at a time when we were incapable of tapping into a mature and conscious response.
In these moments of frustration we feel helpless as if life is happening TO us. When we gain this awareness we can choose to press the pause button and take a step back before stepping into the rote pattern of behavior.
This is how we take an emotionally mature look at our response. We meet our emotions where they’re at and look inward to question and redirect.
We realize we created the default pattern as an emotionally immature child and if we created it we can recreate the new pattern as well. We understand that we can replace it or put into play a new default response or pattern.
This is a personal inward journey - an inside job. No one can do it FOR us and there is no manual to look to because no one has our unique perspectives, beliefs, or past experiences.
Here are some steps you can take the next time you are feeling triggered -
Press pause and take time out before responding. This may look like saying - “I am feeling out of balance and defensive and want to step away before responding, can you give me a few minutes to regroup?”
Ask yourself - Why does this feel threatening to me? Why do I want to put up walls and defend my stance?
How do I see this pattern no longer serving me and what do I want to replace it with?
Give yourself grace as you rewrite a new pattern and patiently practice it into being the new default brain response.
I encourage you to take heart in realizing you do have the power to change. Take this responsibility very personally and from a place of love - love of your current self, your past childhood self, and love of the ever evolving future self you are moving toward.
If this resonates with you, let’s connect!
Amy
