COMPARISON TRAP
Recently I was talking with a client and she was having a lot of feelings of inadequacy. She was thinking all kinds of thoughts about how she was falling short as a parent and was using her sister and others as a measuring stick.
When we start comparing ourselves to others it is like directing our brain to sort and sift and find all the ways we are falling short. Our brains take direction from the thoughts we feed it. It is like googling to find information on treating an upset stomach and coming up with all kinds of links pointing you to stomach cancer. Our brain is going to point us in the direction we are guiding it; however, it does not know the difference between helpful information and unhelpful information. It cannot differentiate between positive and negative. It just goes where the mind takes it.
The best way to get a hold on what is actually useful information your brain can use to move you forward in a positive direction is to catch yourself when you first discover you are feeling inadequate or feeling like you are falling short of where you want to be. Once you have awareness then soothe yourself with thoughts as if you were talking to your best friend in that situation. Then purposely direct your brain with thoughts that deliver helpful information such as:
When was the last time I was pleased with how I interacted with my child?
What did I do in that situation?
What was going on for me when I didn’t show up the way I wanted to?
How can I use the physical cues I was feeling when I didn’t show up the way I wanted to next time they arise?
We all have times where we feel like we are falling short and are dissatisfied with how we handle a situation. This is all part of being human. Instead of beating ourselves up for falling short of some made-up standard, let's look at it as a lesson we can learn from. Let’s stay curious about what was going on for us and the other and honor ourselves/other by learning from it.
If we take these situations and use them as learning opportunities we move toward compassion for ourselves and are more able to show up in the future in a way that aligns to who we really are.
Love to all - Amy
If this resonates with you, let’s connect!
